Forgotten

by Hernan Quezada

I live in yesterday, because it's better than today. Today is full of despair, tomorrow is without hope. Those that by me are remembered, by them I am forgotten. Those that remembered have forgotten to reach out.

Some days, I wonder would it be better if I forgot to breathe in after I breathe out. I would be free from this box, but place me not into another, set me aflame and scatter me into the wind so I may be forgotten as I am today.

Hernan Quezada #2000069717

Ashamed

by Christian X. Peterson

I’m afraid to open up, for I’m afraid of what you think.

Too scared to be myself, & too afraid of being weak.

I’m afraid if you knew the real me, you’d be ashamed at what you see.

And I’m ashamed that I’m afraid of showing you the real me.

I am flawed in many ways..well at least it's what I thought.

‘Cause I didn’t make the best decisions & didn’t talk the biggest talk.

I wasn’t the best at doing things, so I spoke on what I lacked.

But that was foolish, even stupid, because there is greatness in who I am.

I am me! A human that soars without a single wing.

My biggest attribute, don’t mistake it, is the willingness to face it.

The mistakes that I’ve made, with a heart to make changes.

Nah, it didn’t pan out for me to be the best, nor the perfect man.

And some days I feel so broken & hopeless,

That I focus on salvaging all the little pieces of good that I can.

But understand something, I’m saying something.

And my past is my success.

Mistake after mistake after mistake, but wait..watch what I do next.

What do I do next? I adjust & make change.

And low points of my flesh arise, but I’m saved.

God, grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change,

Like my past of toxic living, and give out strength for today.

It’s sufficient, so I praise, in the face of what I lack.

I proceed at being more than just the Man Behind the Mask.

Christian X. Peterson

Christian X. Peterson # 2000082855

So many people seem not to understand that yea I’m human and erred. A big mistake that landed me in here for the rest of my natural life. A court of my peers deemed me guilty and I’m now serving out my punishment for my crimes.

Seems most people don’t understand what the punishment in fact is. Many of the people who work here seem to believe it means I’ve lost my right to self respect, dignity, to be treated justly or humanely.

But that’s not what I was sentenced to at all. My sentence was about the loss of my freedoms. My freedom to vote, to watch my grandchildren grow up. To shop at Walmart, to own a Harley Davidson, to go on scenic drives, to go on dates, have sex, eat at TGIF, Red Lobster, or Bionic Burger. To see the Grand Canyon, to go boating or fishing. To own fish, tend a garden, to own my own home or business. To visit my father’s grave. To sit on a bridge and watch the city fireworks display. No pillowtop mattress, no king sized bed, no visits to Paris.

That’s what my sentence/punishment was about. Not talking down to me, treating me like a beast of burden, less than a dog. Nothing about my sentence was about degrading me as a person.

- Stephen Bodine #2000053423

Diagram of Ad Seg cell where Bo has been held for more than a year

My sentence:

by Stephen Bodine

Alot of times when guys get locked up there tends to be a out of sight-out of mind mentality. I guess it's better to be forgotten than to have society and politicians be hostile towards us.

I will never be released from prison. I have the death penalty plus about 50 years. My death sentence is being appealed but I am not sure if anything will actually change in my life. I do have times of mental and emotional struggle, regarding never getting out of prison. I find it difficult to relate to the various issues and interests of society because I have trouble feeling like a member. I don’t have any family to speak of. My mom and brother are dead. No father because I am a product of rape.

Because of my death row status I’m not allowed to work or move around like other prisoners. My good behavior has got me unrestrained status. This means no cuffs when I do come out of my cell. I am proud to say I’ve been drug free for a year and a half. Being drug free and taking my mental health meds has helped me alot. Drugs and mental issues have always been my downfall. They are the primary issues that led to my current circumstances. That's not meant as an excuse.

I try hard to grow and evolve into a better man. I read alot and try to educate myself. It does seem sometimes that my existence has stopped. No matter what changes I make or how I grow I’m bound to the day I was convicted. That sense that everyone disregards the changes I’ve undergone.

-Kyle Flack # 2000053342

Ceased to exist..

A letter to President Donald Trump

Sir, this is something that I’ve been wanting to do for a while now. But I debate with myself, if you would even read a letter from a person like me? I have held no title or specific role. Nor am I a rich man who is a philanthropist. Though I am a man, a person who has high aspirations, a skill that others can benefit from in a positive way. But that’s my opinion of myself. I’m sure others have spoken to you of what they think of themselves. I’m sure it’s common when you are in a position such as yours to hear such things. Though my only wonder is “Which ones do you ever give an ear to? Or do any of them even matter?”

Some days I am down. And most of the time, I am up in my spirit. Always looking for a reason to grow in character, or to learn things that I can utilize and teach others. Finding a purpose by being influential to others. Almost every day, I hear people speak about how they want to fight a correctional officer or throw urine on them. And constantly I am talking to those individuals out of not fighting officers. Why? Because I’m doing 250 months for simply punching on two guards. Often, other inmates speak about how funny it was that I punched officers. They talk about it as if I’m some prison hero. But honestly, I feel dumb by the situation, the most idiotic thing I have done in my life. And it’s costing me nearly twenty-one years of my life. There is nothing “cool” about that. I’ll tell you this though, I love writing. It not only gives me peace, but it's something that I truly enjoy. The only problem is the lack of support to help me publish the literature and novels I have written. Though even without outside support, I understand the fruition of hope and faith. And I know at some point the dim lights that shine on me will eventually brighten. Well, I don't want to bore you, and thanks for letting me vent. And with much gratitude, thank you for making this country great again.

Sincerely ,

Tyrell Clark

University of Rehabilitation

by Baby Boy Brandon

Dear reader,

Greetings! I am writing to you from a place I call the University of Rehabilitation. The residents here, like those in society, call it prison. The state of Kansas call these universities, these prisons, "correctional facilities". Three different names for the same place. What is in the name? How a person defines something is the way they view it. The way they view it is the way they relate to it. The way we relate to something defines our experience and education from the relationship.

I could go on and on on this line of thought but I will not because my objective is to enlighten you on something fresh on my mind that I don’t want to forget the details.

People in society harbor views about the incarcerated that nurtures an infected wound that will not heal. This painful gash has become a dark void between the incarcerated and society. These views, these misconceptions about the incarcerated may be correct for some, but not the population as a whole.

One of the misconceptions that has stigmatized is the notion that the incarcerated preys on the weak or mentally fragile for money. I admit there are those that are incarcerated with drug addictions that use the money from their loved ones , family and friends to buy their drug of choice but the majority of the time their loved ones, family, and friends are willingly enabling them.

The majority of people that are incarcerated are actually looking for love and a meaningful relationship. We are in need of the same genuine relations as others in society. We are not monsters with the Antarctic as our hearts. The incarcerated become bitter, insensitive and cold by the lack of empathy and compassion from friends, family, loved ones, and society. The incarcerated also become bitter, insensitive and cold by the way members of their family, loved ones, friends, and society treat us. For example, there are people here in the University of Rehabilitation that are fortunate to have minimum wage jobs. With this money they pay room and board (rent) to the facility, they also put money into a victim’s fund, they pay child support, court fees, and fines. The money that is left over, a portion goes into a mandatory savings so when they leave prison there’s guaranteed money to help restart their lives, and the rest goes on their account to do with as they like.

Everyone I know uses a great portion of the money on their regular account to help others in society. They also send money home to have out in society so they can use it in numerous ways-birthday gifts, holiday gifts for their loved ones lawyers, start a business, investments, etc.

It is this money that is entrusted (very large amounts, 50K the most I have heard) that causes law abiding members of society to commit crimes that go unpunished. So many people sent grands, tens of grands to their people out in society from incarceration have been robbed by their loved ones. This is not spoken about in society, but is well known here in the University of Rehabilitation.

Theft is the crime that is being committed, but I have yet to hear of anyone that was or is incarcerated charging the criminals who committed the crime. It has now become a hustle for those (mostly women) in society to write incarcerated men who have private industry jobs that pay minimum wage or more.

Maybe some of you who are reading this think this hustle, hustling prisoners out of their money by faking emotional ties and trust, is karma. But is it really? Or are we turning a blind eye to the crime because of who it is committed against?

Here is another atrocity being committed that is going unchecked: Members of society are writing the incarcerated, tricking them out of their personal information and using their identities to get credit cards, bank accounts, loans, and property. When the incarcerated regain their freedom it is tremendously hard to regain footage because what someone they trust has done in their name.

I was a victim of the above. A woman I was in a relationship with for nine years, while I was incarcerated stole my identity and used my identity to get credit cards, loans, and she racked up a 20 K debt in my name. Six years later I’m still having issues proving my innocence even though I proved I was incarcerated when this was happening. I could not get a place to stay or a car because of my bad credit she caused by using my identity for her pleasure.

Do not think I am demonizing society. I’m just writing this to make others aware of hidden wrongs committed against a group of people who have no voice, until now. I wish all who have read this much peace and prosperity.

Respectfully,

Baby Boy Brandon

"Baby Boy Brandon"

My name is Johnathan and I’m originally from Louisiana but I’ve had something of a wanderlust for the biggest part of my life and through series of peculiar events I somehow ended up a wheat farmer in Kansas (Beloit, specifically).

Up until about 10 years ago I drank more than any mortal man should and ended up receiving a felony DUI in Colorado which, in fact, made me a convicted felon. Fast forward to Jul 2024 in Beloit, Kansas and I was found to have a firearm under the seat of my farm truck and I received another felony; criminal possession of a firearm. I received a short sentence in the Kansas Department of Corrections-27 months.

But I really don’t want this letter to be about myself. Unlike so many in this situation, I am certainly guilty. And from the way I generally perceive the world and our lives in it I feel that the sentence is appropriate.

You asked for experiences and perhaps observations from those of us existing inside of the KDOC. Well opinions and observations I have aplenty.

I’ll attempt to frame this in a manner that gives the most relevance to it, context is important when discussing matters such as this because when we fail to frame matters such as these in the proper context we lose people, or should I say we tend to lose their attention. Humanity, being such that it is, has difficulty seeing relevance in issues that on the surface appear so far removed from themselves.

One good example is education. Now I have a daughter and she is 22 years old and graduated high school 5 years ago so it would be easy for myself to believe that education and policies that pertain to it really no longer affect me. But that’s not actually the case, you see. Because I do not want to live in a community of uneducated or undereducated people, and because I care about the social and political future of the country I live in and honestly because I actually believe in some ways I am in fact my brother’s keeper. I believe that policies which affect education are very much relevant to my life. In other words, I have a stake in education, always.

Now given that a good 80% of Kansas citizens (ie, voters) are from and live in rural communities far removed from the streets of Wichita or Topeka, or Kansas City, I know how easy it is to feel that they do not have a stake in what goes on in their state prisons. It’s very easy to be seduced by the idea that we are so far removed from the world that it just simply cannot have any real bearing on our daily lives. After all, keeping prisoners out of sight and out of mind is precisely what we expect our leaders to do. But here’s the rub, and since I am using one Hamlet reference…something is truly rotten in the state of Denmark! And how it affects everyone in this state is very (and decidingly dangerously) clear.

Lansing Correctional Facility (LCF) is the epitome of a prison that has lost control of itself. It is a prison where the correctional staff have not only completely lost control of their facility, but they have simply given up on trying to regain control of it. The amount of illegal dangerous substances in this facility goes so far beyond the pale that no reasonably thinking person would ever believe it. The day that I walked into the unit that I am housed in I was immediately taken aback by not just the odors in the air indicative of the drugs here but also of the smoke–There is almost always a cloud of smoke lingering at the ceilings of every unit here. And correctional staff have absolutely nothing to say about it. They literally have to fan it out of their faces to see paperwork in front of them. And the enterprising in these illegal substances is performed in plain sight of correctional officers. There is never even a pretense of keeping it under wraps. Many times I have heard correctional staff state that they “don’t give a shit about what prisoners do”. These drugs include marijuana, methamphetamine, Fentanyl, and something known as “K-2” or “Deuce”. This K-2 is a particularly insidious substance which more often than not brings on tracks of seizures and incredibly violent and otherwise erratic behavior. I have already witnessed numerous over-doses on these drugs. I witness daily, young men selling their food, whatever they can steal, or begging their families to send them money daily so that they may continue with these deadly habits they have acquired while here at Lansing.

Another issue that cannot be overstated is the violence that the enterprising in these drugs brings into such an environment. Lansing prison is bloody. That’s the best way it can be put. And no one is safe. From the youngest to the oldest I’ve seen the victims of Lansing’s brutality in the very real flesh.

In my first week here I witnessed a man in my cell viciously attacked by another man with a padlock placed in a sock. This attack occurred while he was asleep. And before this attack occurred there were warnings that it was coming so the man and myself approached a correctional staff member and asked for assistance. The staff member said to us “It is impossible to avoid violence at Lansing”. The man who attacked my cellmate was never charged with a crime nor was he given a disciplinary action in the matter. This is in spite of written testimony given by my cellmate as well as myself.

The number of black eyes and cuts to faces one sees in the course of one day is staggering.

Lansing prison fosters a culture of drugs and extreme violence. One can only conclude that it is by design. The sheer amount of drugs in Lansing can only be entering the facility through correctional staff. And the violence can only exist to the degree in which it does because the staff allows it.

I am going to get to the point where I show you how this effects our communities in just a moment. Bear with me please.

Lansing also appears to be a massive mental health facility, although not officially. No, I am not a psychiatrist nor a psychologist. But one need not be to realize that a great number of prisoners here suffer from a myriad of emotional, psychological, behavioral, and criminally behavioral disorders. These disorders appear to go completely untreated. It’s nothing to witness men experiencing schizophrenic episodes, periods of lethargy, self-harm, etc. And many times these men are attacked and beaten by other prisoners simply because they don’t understand or they themselves suffer some affliction of the mind as well. Many of the men here are just mentally retarded and have the cognitive abilities of an 8-year-old at best. These men are brutalized too often to believe that Lansing staff care. They do not. I’ve witnessed first hand staff covering up these attacks by either ignoring pleas for help or losing complete files on incidents.

Kansas Department of Corrections ostensibly uses a classification system designed to place inmates according to their “criminogenic needs” It's utilized for purposes of proper rehabilitative program placement and for purposes of safety as well. It is designed to prevent the practice of housing the weaker or less experienced or hardened men with the most incorrigible and intractable convicts. It attempts to avoid what I have come to refer to as “Creating Greater Demons”. But there has been a massive failure in its practice. Lansing houses men classified as “minimum custody” with men classified as “maximum custody”. One need not stretch the imagination too terribly far to envision how this plays out. But the way it plays out that is so direly overlooked is the fact that young men from rural Kansas, from the farm community, from the last bastions of middle and small town America come here and are completely enraptured by the career convicts who engage in these dangerous drugs and brutality.

Do you have any idea how valuable fentanyl and methamphetamine are in a place like Beloit, Concordia, or Colby, Kansas? These men who have never before entertained such a proposition are making sound contacts with suppliers, learning the enterprise of trafficking in these substances, becoming well conditioned to an environment of abject and senseless brutality, and most of all are seeing the lack of concern and by extension the lack of control or authority the state is supposed to wield. There is money to be made in the far flung rural frontiers of Kansas and the state of Kansas, by way of its Department of Corrections is suiting and arming the hordes that will eventually matriculate into these communities. To be sure it's already begun; there were a number of fentanyl overdoses in the Beloit area just prior to my arrest. I recall several of the local folks confused about how such a drug could find its way into their community. Even I myself was perplexed over it until I arrived here at Lansing prison.

The objective of any prison system in the 21st century is to not only protect the people of the state from dangerous criminals not only as they currently exist but also as they may exist in the future. With very little exception, most men and women in a state prison will some day be released. Whether they will enter our communities as greater men and women or greater demons is totally up to the state. It appears that Lansing prison has made its choice.

When the drugs, gang activities, and senseless brutality is tossed into a cauldron of apathy and indifference on the part of the powers that are entrusted to the task of mitigating these things the result will always be communities that are exponentially more dangerous than ever. When men in our prisons are not even given a modicum of opportunity to be better people, when prison authorities essentially give up and give in, the world pays for their capitulation.

The Kansas Department of Corrections, as far as Lansing prison goes, is creating a Kansas that is more threatening to civility and order and peace than any single action or series of action that has ever been thrust upon this state. And these ripples will continue for an interminable period of time and cost us all so very much.

Reflections on the Reality of Life in Lansing Correctional Facility

Jonathan Materne # 2100258583

A Mother's Mourn

By Doug Hamilton

Dedicated to Roxann S. and the loved one who went too soon

From dust, clay and ashes we are born.

To ashes, dust and clay we shall return.

From the time we leave our mother's womb,

It is but a short time before we meet the tomb.

Far too short for some.

Until the time Mom can hold your hand again,

She'll keep you safe and sound and always close to her.

But for now MeMa and PaPa will be with you in your path so as you're never

lonely,

They'll keep you safe along your journey until Mom can hold your hand once

more.

Though just for now she keeps you close at heart along side Ma & Pa never

too far apart.

The time in which Mom shall take your hand again is not to far out of hand.

Kept close at heart you'll always be the one to keep her from breaking apart.

Sheltered in time you'll forever be the reason she finds peace of mind.

For neither she nor you are ever left behind, for all time you'll be together

to share in love forever.

Please go and be at peace little man!

Self-Betrayal

by Doug Hamilton

A lot of people say, a man is only as good as his word

Myself included.

My word was once gold maybe diamonds.

I am not self deluded.

To build a bond, to give a word

You wouldn't think there was much

to unearth.

Not a man or machine could take

my word from me, yet still somehow

my word was broken

It did not come from an enemy

It did not come from out of sight

for I myself I did betray.

For I gave my word, I made a promise.

A promise I broke, who would have

thought the breaking of that promise

would hurt me so.

I have no one to be mad at

none other that is than the man in the mirror

For I and I alone did self betray.

But here tonight, I hope one day

there will come a time I will

be able to repay this debt.

If that day does not come, that is on me

It is my burden to bear, it is my cross to carry

For I am the one that self betrayed.

The blood on my back is responsible for,

the blood on my hands, for the

man in the mirror is the one who

stabbed me in the back

Who would have thought that the breaking of

a word could hurt this bad, but now we

know what the consequences are should

anyone else lose sight before you self betray

I pray to you please, read these words.

Hopefully I can save you some pain

on a rainy day.

-Doug Hamilton #2000075469

Accountability

by Kenyon Campbell

The reason I started with accountability is because of what the United States are going through right now. I am from Chicago where politics have been messy for a long time. A city where gangsterism ruled for a long time. And even though the politicians were sometimes crooked and were choosing sides, it was needed. And in Illinois they made sure you knew and understood politics, government and the judicial system. You literally could not graduate from 8th grade to high school, or get your GED without taking a 100 question constitution test & passing it by getting 50 questions right out of 100.

I was born in 1971 and black street gangs were running the city. We were fresh out the Al Capone era and coming from where we as black people have come from, we had the nerve to continue the hate towards each other. And I contributed.

Now in the process of all of this, I was looking, listening, and learning the ways of the world. The differences between democracy & communism is the power of a vote but also the power of the electoral college. I m not a racist but I hate those that hate in any form. I am a people's person by nature. I was in a gang called the Gangster Disciples who were about growth and development. And it was mandatory we voted. Which brings me to accountability, standing up being accountable for, Each one teach one, being responsible even when you didn't think you had to. Now in the mix of all this I've witnessed a lot of people my age, some older, they for some reason felt negative towards politicians & both political parties. They felt like if it didn't effect them personally they could care less. Not knowing not only did it effect them it effected their families, their friends, etc. It was a selfish outlook. Also I feel like people to be governed to a certain degree, without it there would be total chaos.

Now I understand not everyone will agree on everything. But that's when you find the person or party that you agree the most with & you vote for them. Now I won't go into my political views but with accountability we could stop or limit what's going on today.

I come in peace & leave in it. Thank you.

-Kenyon Campbell # 2000034692

Tyrell Clark # 2000063593

Becoming Your Ultimate Self –Part 3

There’s a song by Tim McGraw called “Live Like You are Dying”. The lyrics in that song speak about a man dying from cancer. But with his last days, he accomplishes some great things.

Understanding those lyrics empowered my aspirations. And then I read a book titled “ Can’t Hurt Me”. which instilled confidence within me, to be able to conquer any and everything. Making me feel indomitable to any negative situation that may come my way, which inevitably will, because problems will come. Though it’s not about how I react, but how I respond.

All road blocks are nothing but challenges. And I see every challenge as a workout.

So to whoever is reading this, through any setback or stressful situation that may come your way, just live like you are dying, and make the best decision.

Don’t reinvent yourself, redefine yourself.

Becoming Your Ultimate Self- Part 2

Every day you should wake up with a purpose, and if you don’t know your purpose, find a purpose.

I start each morning with self-encouragement. I refine myself through aphorism.

Aphorism: A short phrase that expresses a true or wise idea. A maxim that will add value to your everyday living.

So strive to bring your ultimate self by seeking positive opportunities.

Becoming Your Ultimate Self

by Tyrell Clark

My Uncle John once said to me "You can't get clean by just using soap and water, because, once you dry off with a white towel- you'll see dirt".

At first I didn't understand what he meant at the time. I wasn't too young, but I was ignorant. Now, at 38 years old, I understand its wisdom.

To remove dirt or grime, you have to scrub the soap into your skin with a rag. Then with a proper rinse, you can be clean and fresh.

When we learn or retain information that is good for us, we have to breathe it, think it, speak it, and live it. We must bring what we know to life, to the point people can smell it's fragrance on your skin.

If what you know and practice does not bring prestige to your honor or character, then it's wrong.

Don't reinvent yourself, redefine yourself.

The Rose Without Light

by Tyrell Clark # 2000063593

Be strong, as you are fierce,

you are a formidable spirit

that nothing can pierce.

Never bow your head, but

keep it high.

The stars that shine, bow

to you in the sky.

Protect your energy, never

let it go cold.

Love remains in your heart,

pure as gold.

Time always heals, and

those results will show,

for even without sunlight,

you are the blooming rose.

Becoming Your Ultimate Self-Part 4

Integrity.

This is something that we all must examine within ourselves. We all hear these phrases such as "keeping it real". But how many of us, is keeping real to ourselves?

Faking it until you get what you want is nothing but self-deception. Manipulating yourself to become the very lie that you conjure in your head.

Yes-we may have been born into sin, but we do not have to live in it.

Think real.

Speak real.

Act real.

Without integrity in oneself, then there is no honor.

Tyrell Clark #2000063593

-Becoming your ultimate self, part 5

“Those who seek me diligently shall find me”, knowing that passage makes me reflect on love

from within myself, it leads me to 1 Corinthians 13 ( the way of love).

For a while, I was confused as to what love is. I used to link it to beauty and lust. And when i did that, it destroyed relationships, though revealing true intentions. Once pondering and reflecting, I realized that the only reason why I failed at love or recognizing it was because I didn't know love. And that was because I truly didn't love myself. When you truly understand how to love yourself, then you stay away from thinking patterns, people, and things that can be a detriment to becoming a better person. You have to know how to love yourself. You can't fully love no one else until you know how to do this. When you start to understand that it is vital to take care of your well being, then everything falls into place, when you love yourself, you become a better son to your mother, a better sister, a better father. It will make you into a better sibling, cousin, uncle, aunt, grandchild, grandparent, and then a better friend. Learning how to love yourself will make you a better lover to your soulmate. There is nothing more powerful than the understanding and expression of love, so work on yourself to become love and give it.

Tyrell Clark #2000063593

Becoming Your Ultimate Self-Part 6

by Tyrell Clark

We all find ourselves putting energy into things that have no value. And when something has no value, then how can it be meaningful? In today's modern world, we value the perception of how people view us. Even in social media, the opinion of others, likes and dislikes, because a veneration that is praised more than how we feel about ourselves, how I see it, is that instant gratification, or worldly gratification, deteriorates our character. If you take away your jewelry, who are you?. If you take away the money, the expensive clothes, the fancy car that you like to flaunt, who are you? Even if the support system that we find ourselves leaning in to when times are bad is stripped from us, the question still stands. Who are you? See these questions we must ask ourselves. It shows your character, your identity. And only through perseverance do we build value within ourselves. Life has purpose. And it's up to us, individually, to find our ways and not allow the world to determine who or what we can be.

-Becoming Your Ultimate Self- Part 7

by Tyrell Clark

It’s proven through science that we only use a small percentage of our brains. Knowing this makes me feel like a complete idiot. But at the same time, it inspires me to gravitate to things that can elevate my mind or stimulate it to pull out what’s dormant within me. Being content or stagnant should never be on anyone's mind. To grow as individuals, we must find things to motivate us. So let’s begin with our mind: There are close to 100 billion neurons in the brain, about the same as the number of stars in the Milky Way. Your brain’s storage capacity is considered virtually unlimited. Each neuron forms connections to other neurons, which could add up to 1 quadrillion (1000 trillion) connections. Over time, these neurons can combine. Increasing storage capacity. When a neuron is stimulated, it generates about 23 watts of electricity (enough to power a light bulb). All that energy calls for some much-needed rest. Adequate sleep helps maintain the pathways in your brain. Because of something called neuroplasticity, the adult brain can actually rewire itself, especially with effortful learning or through high engagement situations. So, trying new things or developing a skill actively reshapes your neural networks at any age. A study from U.C. Berkeley of 1000 participants found that those who made a deliberate effort to think about, and even write down, things they are grateful for over a period of time, physically improved the condition of their minds and the health of their body, lowered blood pressure, vancement state. To not adapt and become your surroundings, but to become the most apex of yourself. When you take care of the mind. You strengthen the body to protect the soul . Discover, learn. and become.

Dear World..

by Mitch Northern

My name is Mitchell Northern, and I am currently doing 25 to life for 1st degree murder, and 43 months for aggravated assault of law enforcement. I am very disgruntled and angry about these charges, so I won't go too far into details in this introduction, but long story short, I didn't do what they say I did. The killing was self-defense, and the other charge was piled on everything else, in order to help the courts railroad me. It worked. I don't have anything at all to hide, so I'll answer any questions you got if anyone decides to write back.

I'm one of a handful of white kids from the hood. Everywhere I ever lived was the hood. From Kansas City, Kansas, Kansas City, Missouri, Las Vegas, Nevada, Los Angeles, California, Hemet, California, then back to KC..so all I know is struggle.

I'm not going to sit here and bad mouth anyone, but in order to tell my story I have to say a few lines like "My family put the fun in dysfunctional". Personally, my existence is a result of a bad situation my birth mother put herself in, and she made sure I knew about it every day. I bounced back and forth between relatives because she didn't want me around, and that was just fine with me. I told you earlier I ALWAYS lived in the hood, so I was always having to fight my way out of crazy situations, and that ended up labeling me "That crazy white kid". And because I have always been taller and heavier than everyone else, I became an outcast, and target for everyone to bother.

Every boy bullied me because I was just a big ass poor white kid from the hood, and when I'd fight back, I'd be in trouble. So that turned me from bullied to bully. It made some people avoid me, but it drew the attention of the local gangs. I ended up joining one at 13. It was both the best and worst thing to ever happen in my life.

I got very wrapped up in all of the stuff that gets people dead, or in jail. I didn't know any better. I learn by watching. I started going into county jail at 18. By 21 I was in prison and by 24 I got this sentence I'm doing now. I did, along the way, make some good friends, who I still talk to today. They are the ones who encourage me to try to do better. I'm 40 now, soon to be 41 and I've been in prison 20 years. I do struggle. mostly because I HATE the criminal justice system.

This place/these places are not designed with the values of human growth and redemption. These places are in reality, the bowels of humanity where young men are warehoused on top of each other and assaulted by demons the rest of the world would rather forget existed. THAT is why my disciplinary record looks the way it does. Because during all this time I've done, I've been asking and begging for self-help programs, only to be told I have too much time, or asked to snitch on things that happen in here. But that snitchin' shit aint me. So I just do what I gotta do to survive. Once in a while I luck out and get granted the opportunity to do a mental health class or group. I've done a group that focused on how to retrain the antisocial brain called "Socialization', I've completed a group/class called ""Emotion Regulation" . I've done Anger Management 1 and 2--twice each. I helped develop a curriculum called positive psychology for long term males , which basically I just was interviewed and in a group setting by a very smart and caring lady who worked with us "long term incarcerated males".

I got my high school diploma, and so far I have almost 18 credits and 200 clock hours towards an associates degree in business management. Most of that is common sense. At least to me, because I'm a retired gang leader. I won't go into details, but I'm good at organizing people and their respective skills and weaknesses.

Anymore these days I just do my best to teach these young men. I teach 2 things. First and foremost, I just do my best to teach these youngsters not to end up like me. But some of them are hard set on on being gangsters. So I’ll teach them how to be the best kind of gangster and still be able to look at their face in the mirror. It’s kind of a two-edged sword and it bothers me..teaching these dudes to be gangsters, but also preaching against it. I’m doing the best I can though, being self-taught myself, and trying to simultaneously fight my cases, and these sadistic officers who perpetuate the terrors of the prison industrial complex.

Anyways..that's my story in a nutshell. Details and context available upon request.

In summary, I’m just working on myself and doing what I can to help the guys that come after me. I’m not a bad person. I just done a lot of bad stuff while trying to figure life out with no real help or guidance.

Thank you all for your time, love and blessings to you all

-Big Mitch

Mitchell Northern # 2000056852

Every time a news story breaks involving someone with a past conviction, I brace myself for the inevitable headline: “Kansas Felon Involved in…” followed by the incident of the day. It’s a phrase used with such casual certainty that it almost goes unnoticed—except by those of us who live under its weight.

"Kansas Felon." Not "Kansas Father," not "Kansas Entrepreneur," not "Kansas Volunteer" or "Kansas Citizen." Just “Felon.” That one word, often dropped into local reporting without a second thought, manages to erase everything else about a person’s life. It reduces someone’s identity to a past conviction, no matter how long ago it occurred or how much they've grown since.

Let’s be honest: people make mistakes. Some mistakes are serious. But a felony conviction is supposed to be a moment in time—not a permanent brand seared into a person’s forehead. Yet in Kansas, and across much of the country, it doesn’t feel that way. For those of us who have served our time, made amends, and tried to rebuild, it often feels like we’re dragging that label behind us everywhere we go—especially in the media.

When a local outlet refers to someone simply as a "Kansas Felon," what message does that send to the public? That redemption is impossible? That people don’t change? That we are nothing more than the worst thing we’ve ever done?

It’s not just lazy journalism. It’s damaging. It fuels public stigma, making it harder for people with past convictions to find jobs, housing, or even a second chance. It tells employers and landlords that they don’t need to look any further—because the media already did the work of defining us.

But here’s the truth the headlines don’t tell: many people with felony convictions go on to live honorable, hardworking lives. We raise families. We start businesses. We mentor at-risk youth so they don’t end up on the same path. We give back to the communities we once harmed. We strive, every single day, to become better than our past.

So why won’t local media acknowledge that? Why does a felony conviction eclipse everything else about us? Would you want your worst mistake to be the first thing people learn about you? To be the first word attached to your name in print?

I’m not asking for the past to be erased. I’m asking for fairness, humanity, and dignity. A recognition that people are more than the labels society gives them.

Media outlets have a responsibility—not just to inform, but to reflect the communities they serve. That includes telling more honest, complete stories about individuals who’ve paid their debt to society and are trying to move forward.

Stop calling us “Kansas Felons.” We are Kansas neighbors, Kansas workers, Kansas parents. We are more than our worst day. It's time the headlines reflect that.

Stop Calling Us “Kansas Felons” – We’re More Than Our Worst Mistake

by Andrew Patterson

-Andrew Patterson # 2100104948

"Dade"

Disappointment

by Andrew Patterson

This justice system disappoints me.

In more ways than one, it shows the epitome of human error. Precious lives are temporarily put on hold and changed forever. Innocent people—many of them placed in impossible scenarios that nobody can understand—endure unimaginable suffering at the hands of simple mistakes and misjudgments formed from “training and experience” that doesn’t even apply to a fraction of situations.

Coincidentally, I’ve witnessed convicted violent criminals come in and out of jail, treating the place like a local bread and breakfast, racking up new felony charges, and are somehow still not deemed a danger to their community.

Meanwhile, those of us with mental health issues and years of unresolved traumas sink further down in mental comatose over petty behavior that formed trumped-up charges that makes living everyday life—which produces enough struggles on its own—that much more difficult when it wasn’t a warranted course of action to begin with.

I was charged with domestic terrorism and faced the death penalty for journaling my experiences with obsessive and intrusive thoughts and then telling my mother about them when she asked me what was wrong. Because of the high-profile nature surrounding my case, the bi-monthly updates in local and statewide news headlines painting a portrait of myself as a criminal mastermind and homicidal monster and fearing a conviction at trial based on emotional fear, I accepted a plea bargain.

I pleaded guilty to an amended count of attempted murder.

Attempted murder. Over a journal and legitimate mental illness.

I was incarcerated with somebody who was charged with a violent felony simply because he tried to harm himself. He barricaded himself in his vehicle, and when officers asked what he had in his hand, he proceeded to brandish a sharp object and began to impale himself in the wrist. Upon arrest, he was charged with aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer and faced several years in prison.

Another man was charged with numerous violent felonies for an alleged “crime spree” where nobody was killed, injured, or even touched. He was sentenced to ten years in prison.

Another man was convicted of numerous felonies after he tried to enter his ex-girlfriend’s home with an unloaded shotgun only in an attempt to take his own life in a mental health and drug-induced episode.

There’s so many others I could go on writing about. In a justice system that boasts of being “fair for all” and “innocent until proven guilty,” how are those circumstances and eventual outcomes fair?

How is that justice?

People put too much blind faith in our justice system, especially if they’ve never been put through it before, themselves. They say if you’re innocent, it’ll come out in court.

If you’re innocent, you’ll be okay.

Except, that isn’t entirely true.

It’s estimated that one percent of the prison population in the United States—roughly twenty thousand people—are innocent of the crimes they were convicted of. That doesn’t even include those who served their time, were released on parole, or those sentenced to serve time on probation.

While one percent doesn’t seem like a large number, it is too high when the end result is taking away someone’s life in an alleged system that so many believe is foolproof.

The criminal justice system isn’t one operated by machines with a perfect outcome each and every time—it’s run by people, who, like all things, judge from emotion. A jury judges based off of emotion over evidence in every single case, and there are stories of innocent men and women serving twenty, thirty, sometimes forty years in prison for crimes they did not commit, only to be exonerated decades later after serving the majority of their lives in prison.

Even the phrase “innocent until proven guilty” doesn’t make sense when human beings judge primarily from emotion. An emotional ruling cannot be “proven,” when so many people are wrongfully convicted. It is statements like that, spoken for so many decades that give people the false interpretation that the system is ironclad and foolproof, when it’s not.

I, like so many other things controlled and ran by people, am heavily flawed. And, given the way inmates in county jail—those who are allegedly innocent until proven guilty—are treated by the system as they go through it, the mantra makes no sense.

Bogus charges, outrageous bonds, and pressured into plea bargains by lawyers who would rather negotiate than fight, we do this to possible escape multiple years of our lives being ripped away from us.

We are not innocent until proven guilty. Rather, it’s actually quite the opposite—we are guilty until proven innocent.

Innocence is a hard thing to prove when you have a high-profile case and the media is involved, as they often broadcast the allegations that hold little to no merit straight to the public as if it is fact. Rumors from the police, the prosecution, and the community, fly rampant for so long in advance. This creates bias in potential jury members who may later be called to decide a man or woman’s fate.

In my case, I was charged with a second count of attempted terrorism for an alleged plot against a school, when it never even happened. There was zero evidence to support that charge because it never occurred. However, the media fanned the flame and called me a school shooter. Eventually, the charge was dismissed completely.

Another inmate I’ve gotten to know over the past few weeks had a very high-profile case that was covered by Time Magazine, People Magazine, and the Associated Press among others. She’s currently serving a Hard 25 sentence (life without the possibility of parole for 25 years). While she sat in jail awaiting her outcome, the media attempted to make her look like a violent criminal by saying she was on parole for an alleged robbery.

A robbery that never existed. They simply pulled it out of their rear ends.

They attempted to make her look like a bad stepmother by addressing that her home had had multiple calls to Child Protective Services prior to her case. What they failed to address was that she was the one who made those anonymous calls. Still, she was pressured into a plea bargain and currently is serving a life sentence in prison.

The media twists things around without any kind of research, and in a way, the District Attorney gets to try their side of the case for months, or even years, through the media while the defense only gets a few days to a week, usually. In a high-profile case, jury members often already have some kind of an opinion of the accused before their day in court. While they’re supposed to be honest during jury selection—people can, and often do, lie. And by the time it’s found out by a higher court, if at all, years can pass with the accused serving time in prison.

With a case that makes headlines constantly, solidifying false information in the community’s minds for so long, it is very difficult to sway them to believe another side when all they’ve heard/read/watched for so long solidifies their belief in the first place.

For defendants in a high-profile case, their assigned District Attorney is usually less likely to offer a favorable plea bargain, as they’ll want to make a name for themselves or fearing public scrutiny based on the allegations pushed forced in the public eye.

This leads the accused to have two options: either plead guilty and hope for mercy from the judge or go to trial with a heavily flawed system and a likely-tainted jury.

They’re set up for failure.

How is that an ironclad system? How is that fair?

-Andrew Patterson # 2100104948

"Dade"

My Story

by Brandon Mills

Hello, my name is Govan Brandon Mills. I go by Brandon, and I am currently serving a 25 year sentence for aggravated battery and aggravated kidnapping. Now I am only guilty of one of the two charges. I’ll let you be the judge of which one but first let me tell you the true story about myself and how I end up here in prison with 25 years.

Growing up I always felt like an outcast, even with my own family and that lead me to acting out to get attention of any kind. That lead me to committing crimes and eventually doing prison time in 3 different states.

But in 2019 I discharged a sentence in Mississippi so I was completely free. So I come back to Kansas, got a job with a big farmer and for eight months I did the best I’ve ever done in my life. I felt important, needed, and it was all positive. I had my own house, trucks, motorcycle and other things that I’ve always wanted. But I still felt alone. I had all this positive things happening in my life and no one to share it with.

I had a friend named Holly who lived in Arkansas who called me up one night after work and she told me that she was happy that I was doing so well in just a short amount of time. I asked how she was doing, she told me that she was not doing so great, she just got out of an abusive relationship and was back at her parent’s house living in there garage. So I offered her a great deal. She could come to Kansas and stay at my house. No rent, have her own room, and I would take care of any and all cost while she was here. The only deal was she had to look for a job then she had to pay for her own things. Still no rent, no bills of any kind dealing with the house, just food.

She had no way to get to Kansas so I showered, ate, and hit the road. Round trip was 22 hours that I drove non-stop accept for bathroom breaks, food, and fuel. I left on Saturday, returned Sunday evening just to eat, shower, and go to bed so i could get up by 4 am and at work by 5:00 am.

Little did I know she liked to argue.

That Wednesday everything went south. I was laying under a semi swapping out the right front leaf spring and the arguing started. Now before I go any further, I’m not innocent by any means. I’ve worked so hard to accomplish what I have to get what I got and would protect it at all cost. So we got very verbal and I told her that this crap will not be allowed at work. Holly ran off and hid for a while and when she came back I was so pissed I started drinking liquor mix in my Dr. Pepper. So by the time she got back I was enraged and buzzing. Holly got in the truck and wouldn’t shut up, I was doing my best not to engage in her BS until she stated I was just like her ex. I locked the brakes up and skid off the road. She took my last spiked Dr. Pepper and smashed it against my dash where it exploded. That’s when I did the same,I kicked, pushed, and pulled her out of my truck, and left her on the side of the highway. Later that day after work when I returned home, Holly was sitting on my back porch. We talked and apologized for our actions and moved on.

Now even though we moved on I still felt wrong in so many ways. I wanted to make it up to Holly so that Saturday (one week from her arrival) I asked her after work if she wanted to get something to drink. Holly stated yes she just wanted to chill and relax. I bought a 5th of peach crown then we went home. I took a shower and she heated up leftovers. I got out and Holly ran bath water so she could soak. I ate a plate of food then went to my room to load a bowl in my weed pipe. I asked Holly if she wanted to smoke some weed while she soaked. She stated yes. Once the bowl was cashed, I went to reload it. Holly hollered to bring the bottle of Crown when I return. So I reloaded the bowl and open the box and took the crown bag off then open the bottle and took a sip. That sip lead to a big gulp and by the time I return to the bathroom the bottle was just a little over half full. This pissed Holly off. So I took two more big gulps and grabbed the weed pipe from Holly while giving her the bottle then I left to go to my room. I grabbed my cigarettes and went to the back porch to smoke. A few minutes later Holly came out and lit a cigarette and started arguing/yelling at me. I ignored her and went inside where she kept on and on. By this time I’m feeling the Peach Crown but I was getting angry so I got dressed grabbed my bag and left in my truck. I was buzzed enough that I was afraid I would get in an an accident so I pulled off the road. Holly tried to call but I didn’t answer.I sent a text stating “Don’t start no shit please.” Then I drove 20 mph home. When I got to the house all the lights were on and Holly was nowhere to be found so I turned most of the lights off, went to my room, locked my door and undressed and climbed in bed. By this time I was full fledged drunk, I was tired and just wanted to go to sleep. Thankfully after 2 hours of listening to Holly nag, bitch, moan and groan I passed out.

What felt like just seconds after passing out my bedroom door came crashing open, and there stood Holly cussing and yelling at me about how I was going to listen to what she had to say or I would pay for it otherwise. I just rolled back over facing away from her in an attempt to pass back out.

That’s when Holly yelled ”No the hell you don’t, you’re not going to ignore me anymore, you’re going to listen to my every word or you will pay dearly if not” Holly then climbed on my bed and started hitting me in my head a few times. That’s when I lost it. I wouldn’t say I blacked out but I wasn’t completely there either. So I came up off my pillow and punched Holly in the nose and broke it. Blood went everywhere. The only way to explain this is I was floating above my physical self, watching myself beat Holly up. I just couldn’t stop myself until she pooped on my floor. I admitted that I assaulted Holly but never did I kidnap her. I just got screwed because I have a criminal history, none of which are violent charges. Kansas is a female state and they allowed Holly to commit multiple felony charges against me during and after I was placed in jail. If you would like to know more just ask. I am an open book and I won’t lie to make myself look better.

I don’t feel good about what happened and wished I would’ve never went to get Holly. If I had just kept to myself I’d still be out working the farm. I miss it so much, I’m 42 years old so I’ll be an old man once released and that eats at me because I haven’t had much of a positive life.

Thanks for listening to my story.

Govan Brandon Mills #2000042795

A day passes, but not really. Then a week, but still nothing. A day, a week, a month. Two months, half-a-year, one year, and a year-and-a-half. All milestones that have come and gone in county jail.

But not really.

Even though so much time has passed, and it feels like much longer, it still feels like I’m in the same day I was arrested sixteen months ago. The same day this nightmare began.

It’s all been one long, continuous bad dream, and though from the beginning I was told by everyone—family, friends, even my attorney—that I wouldn’t be here long, my ultimate release date seems no closer than it was the day I came in.

Physically, I’ve lost over one-hundred pounds from chronic stress, severe anxiety, and drastic loss of appetite that comes with facing a life sentence in prison. My thick curly brown hair has faded into thin strands, so much so that I opt out to shaving it off twice a week. My bushy beard and thin mustache now sport a grayish tint. Permanent bags have formed under my eyes, and new wrinkles have appeared like a badly pressed polo shirt.

At the age of twenty-five, I look like I’ve aged twenty years, and then some. But it also feels as if no time as passed at all; like I’m stuck in purgatory in an identical physical and mental cage.

The concept of time does not exist when you are incarcerated. There is a clock, but it’s nothing more than just another string of changing numbers that hold no significance.

Besides a small window in the ceiling thirty feet in the air the size of a welcome mat, there is no view of the outside. No way to watch the sun rise or set. No sounds of rush hour traffic or a church bell going off on the hour, every hour. It can be five in the morning or five in the evening, and I wouldn’t know the difference.

The temperature inside is controlled by staff and maintenance. There are no windows to determine the changing of the weather or the differing seasons. It’s a moderate sixty-five degrees all year round. Winter, fall, or summer; July, October, or December, I don’t know the difference. Everything is a dead color with no life; a steady white, gray, or beige all the way around. I could be twenty-five, fifty, or one-hundred years old, it wouldn’t matter. Time does not exist.

Though I always live in my mind, mentally, I turned to living there, physically, as well. The inside of my mind is nearly identical to the jail I’m incarcerated in. I am trapped; no windows to peer out from the inside, or from the outside in.

There is no change in the weather or the temperature unless I get really upset.

It is so quiet, with nobody besides me to fill the overbearing silence. There is no day or night, just one long continuous moment of simply existing.

Mentally, I sit, and I ponder, and I wait. Physically, without the brief intervals of normalcy that periodically remove me from my mental lockdown, I only sit, and ponder, and wait.

On the outside, there’s so many things to prove the concept of passing time. Holidays, birthdays, shifts at work, paychecks, appointments, and vacations. While in jail, there is nothing. You only sit—or lay down—and wait for something to happen. The concept of time passing is completely nonexistent.

There is nobody to celebrate the yearly holidays with. No watching the splotches the bright colors seep into the sky with each sunrise and sunset. No stars spread out in clusters among the sky; only worn ceiling tiles and fluorescent lights. Minus the conversations and interactions with other inmates in similar predicaments, like my mind is, it’s dead quiet.

I sometimes forget where I am, and what lies outside the walls beyond this facility. I forget the street it sits on until I copy down the address on an envelope when sending out a letter. I have to think really hard to bring images of the open fields on all sides of the jail to mind. The animal shelter and connecting dog park is just a block north, and the maximum-security prison is just a bit further up the road. Carey Park, where I spent so much time as a child and adult, is only a stone’s throw away west.

For so long, I’ve been behind these walls, I sometimes forget that there’s a world outside of here, and other people besides the staff and inmates I see on a daily basis. My existence is confined to such a small area, like a picture frame or a painted canvas, with nothing in existence beyond the borders. Just like my mind, it only occupied the space in my head nothing beyond the confines matters.

Life only seemed livable before, as I could be pulled out of my mental cell and enjoy the quiet, simple things that life has to offer. For so long now, I haven’t had that. Instead, I get pulled from my mental cage and get put into a physical one that’s nearly identical in nearly every possible way. Each time I did, I found it hopeless and wondered why I leave in the first place. I pushed down further into the dark abyss of mental illness, contemplating the extra time and effort it would’ve taken me to pull from its grasp.

Is it even possible? Is it even worth it to try? I won’t know until the time comes. And when that time comes, I have no idea.

Because as I’ve said, time does not exist when you’re incarcerated.

Time..

by Andrew Patterson

Andrew Patterson # 2100104948

"Dade"

Who Are You Anyway?

by Kenyon Campbell

Who are you, really? When you consider who we believe we are, it affects every aspect of our life, how we feel about ourselves, how we treat others, who we gravitate towards as friends, how we use our time, what kind of goals we reach for and what kind of choices we make. The first step in discovering who you are is to take stock of who you think you are and what you believe about yourself. Many just live with limited beliefs about who we are and who we can become. We must examine these beliefs or ideas about self in order to move beyond them. It is really easy as 123, all you have to do is “Do It” like Nike and be able to live with the results. Because life is gonna do what it do with or without you but you can apply yourself and move with it.

Most of us struggle to be ourselves..but rarely do we understand what that really means. We were all born into this world with unique personalities, unique qualities and traits that make me- me, and you-you. We were also born with a free self, a core of awareness and a creative will whose job it is to help us fulfill our true nature to become truly confident, loving, caring, and wise. In the midst of trials and tribulations your core self has never been and never will be absent and cannot be taken away, regardless of what you have done or what has been done to you. But it can be totally forgotten. One could identify with a belief like the “I’m never gonna make it” sub-personality or the “I know it all” sub-personality or the “Nothing is ever gonna change” sub-personality. Some of these may be both facts as well as acts, but some of us use these as an excuse for justifying certain feelings while not making the effort to change and move on as best as you can. Like being angry; which sometimes we have reasons to. But getting lost in the emotion of anger all the time, that prevents you from being open to other feelings. You basically lock yourself in, becoming a prisoner of your own anger. In order to grow into our full human potential, we need to become aware of the roles, emotions and beliefs with which we identify. Bottom line, find out who you are, know who you are, and own it. It’s easier than we think. Life is shorter than we think, so try and enjoy the journey along the way.

Peace!

-Kenyon Campbell # 2000034692

Alan Kingsley # 2000024360

I am very interested in the idea of being a voice for those of us that are never heard because we are confined behind these walls. Many people don’t ever see or know what many of us have done since being in here. The accomplishments we made in our educations, taking self-help programs, long term employments and turning our life around. As in here (KDOC) you have to devote yourself to time and efforts like a disabled person undergoing self rehabilitation. Which many like myself have done and we have certificates and diplomas to show our accomplishments and success.

For many like myself. I was young, dumb and uneducated when I came in here. I was 22 years old and I am 57 now. I only have myself to blame for the mistakes that I made back then. The person that I was back then, is not the same person I am today. Even though I was not the trigger person that dreadful night, that has had me where I am today. The choice I made to be with the person I was with that night, I made myself.

Coming in here, I lost more than my freedom. I lost everything I had; property was one thing but the most painful loss is and was family and even friends over the years. First, slowly drifting away from you. Fewer visits, phone calls and letters ‘til the news comes, they passed away and I wasn’t there for them to say “Goodbye”. It reflected on me, how the victim’s family felt when they got the news, and I am so sorry to them for that. Our unheard voices in here hurts in so many ways. I know as I have been one for so many years now. The biggest regret is not being able to say “I am sorry” to everyone I offended or hurt when I was younger. As I truly am sorry for my past and what part I played that has me in here.

Today, I am thankful for Inside-Out Alliance of Kansas for being my voice that has been silent for so long. Thank you Inside-Out Alliance and Dianne.

For everyone who knows me and I may have offended, please know that I am very, very sorry for my actions and I hope you can forgive me for my past.

My life has forever changed since being in here and I am forever thankful for that. The journey ahead of me on the roads I will travel will only lead to success. Even with a few road blocks that may be ahead (such as the mail room here, the disrespectful guards I come across and the unsafe conditions and food in here that I deal with daily), I know that my stable mind and strong heart will not stop me from getting better and always wanting to do good for others and my community, as well as for myself. Nor will it stop me from showing people I am not the same as I was back then. Just like my being sober for 38 years now, is because of having a stable mind and having control of myself.

My saying now is, always keep your head above the clouds as it never rains up there. And that is so true in many ways. Also, always believe in yourself, for no one else might, especially if you don’t have a voice to be heard. Thank you Inside-Out Alliance of Kansas for wanting to be my voice.

Certificates, Diplomas, & Letters of Recommendations earned by Mr. Kingsley:

• State of Kansas High School Diploma March 16, 2000

• Certificate/Data Processing May 10, 2011

• Lifers Organization

  July 9, 2008

• Certificate of Appreciation March 20, 2010

• Certificate/Anger Management August 30, 2010

• Certificate/Cognitive Change April 25, 2011

• Certificate National Geographic Member

  February 1, 2012

• Award/Continual Service Lifers Organization

  March 24, 2012

• Certificate/ Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

  June 2, 2012

• Certificate/Breaking the cycle of Domestic Violence

  August 17, 2012

• Certificate/Personal Growth June 20, 2012

• Certificate/ Interpersonal Communication October 5, 2012

• Certificate/ Human Development September 27, 2018

• Certificate/ Customer Service Basics January 27, 2019

• Certificate/ Career and Personal Finance Advice

  February 1, 2019

• Certificate/ Prison Re-Entry Network Part 1

  February 2, 2019

• Certificate/ My Money February 17, 2019

• Certificate/ Food Safety Training-

• Safety Practices and Procedures February 17, 2019

• Certificate/ Food Safety to Personal Hygiene-

  March 6, 2019

• Certificate/ Serving Safe Food April 8, 2019

• Certificate/ Anger Management August 29, 2019

• Certificate/ Political Science 232: American Government

  January 20, 2020

• Certificate/ Reaching Out From Within 2021

• K-State Master Gardener November 17, 2021/2022

• Awarded David Gibby-Search for Excellence “!st Place”

  2021

• Global Leadership Summit 2023-2024
  
  

  Letters of Recommendation:

• Jerry Ruzicka BIBR April 6, 2015

• Carl J. Hughes BBR Executive Director November 6, 2017

• Susan Peavler CC ll April 3, 2015

• R. Chinidling CO l May 16, 2001

• Chaplain Don Almond April 2, 2015

• Rev. Edgar Whalen April 9, 2015

• Brett Peterson-LCF Executive Officer- April 1, 2015

• Brett Peterson-LCF Executive Officer- July 15, 2015

• Sergeant Peters-KDOC March 28, 2015

• Leroy Mathis-KCI Data Processing Manager-

  September 16, 2010

• Leroy Mathis-KCI Data Processing Manager-

  April 6, 2015

• Robert E. Gregory CO 1 2017

• E Roman-KCI Union Supply Group

  2021

  
  
  

"Unheard Voices"

by Alan Kingsley

From My Heart to the Youth of America

by Kevin Risby

Thank you for reaching out to me, giving me an opportunity to share my story of incarceration. From my heart to the youth. I thought at a young age I was supposed to be the most violent, vicious hardcore person to gain respect from other people, not knowing I was setting myself up for failure. I would like to give advice to the youth and explain to them gang life, life of crime (always) catches up to you, being you means more than selling drugs, having a gun, or just staying in the streets. The life of crime always wins, and by winning, I mean locked up forever or death, there's no rules or loyalty in this game, trust me the people you are hanging out with will turn on you in a minute. The prison system is full of people that was thinking like you right now. Your freedom & life means more then respect or money, if it doesn't you will be right here or dead and those are the hardcore facts to this life of crime and gang life. I’ve been in prison for 24 years there's nothing cool about that for real, It’s sad but if I can change one kid to not follow the life of crime or gangs then I’m happy about that. Trust your gut trust your family, trust your heart. I was where your at right now, hard headed not listening, being grown, not knowing I was setting myself up for failure. It’s hard telling someone what to do with their life and how to live it but trust me when I say this (All bad things must come to an end) there's only 2 options prison or death, pick one. Don't hesitate to change your life for the greater good and become more than the streets. Don’t hesitate to say no, I’m good. Don't hesitate to use your mind. Don't hesitate to choose a better path. Because the Judge won't hesitate to give you life without parole, or the next man won't hesitate to kill you. Respect your fellow man and community, embrace change, love life because there's no do-overs. Being a man who holds yourself to the highest standards than the next man will prepare you for life experiences. All I ask you to do is be better than the men and women behind these bars. Thank you for reading, I hope this letter changed someone

Kevin Risby # 2000046159

Communication Building-"Do ye not understand the task the tongue will never fail?"

by Stephen Gentry

Build the world around you through the people around you. Make your world a world of happiness and pleasure by honestly disclosing your joys and pleasures to the people around you. We should surrender ourselves with like-minded people; people we love. Tend to others around you with kindness and charity. Your reward is karma. Build a world and spirit of GOLD with only two practices; speak specifically and speak true. Truly let the ones you surround yourself with be aware of the specific things that make you experience happiness and pleasure. We are kind and charitable.

Written by Stephen Gentry

Specific and True; GOLD

Stephen Gentry #2000082410

O’ Wondrous White Woman Where Art Thou?

by Laroy West

O’ white woman O’ white woman! Where art thou, O’ Wondrous white woman?

Ten seconds in, thee breadth of thine temporal presence are crown jewels in mine wakeness, and the majesty of mine melancholic mornings, for there is only the wage of cold war in mine woeful woke, until mine grievous gall is cast upon thee sublime shoreline of thou grandiose grace of thee. Thine carnal portrait incarnate manifest in presence is the poise of mine pacific peace.

O’ White woman O’ White woman where art thou, O’ Wondrous white woman? For ye are rarefied raceme ripened fruit unto the soreness of mine shallow sight, sweet nectar of which mine baby brown eyes delight. Generous provision unto my famished vision; thine pomegranate presence is a paradigm for paradise, inflict not upon me thy wrath of thine abstruse absence, but forgive me mine intrinsic intellectual iniquities, forsake not thine palatial presence from me, O’ wondrous white woman? For mine blackened heart is hardship heavy and every scintilla second of thou pearlescent presence before me, is as holy as thy lord's blessings. Selah sipping salaciously the enchanting white wine of thine perignon presence… Every time I see thee, mine cup runneth over. Thou plateful presence is my shepherd; I shalt not be in want. I testify thou visual visits are wet kisses, and mine lick-you lips are witness halleluah!!! Muah!!! Smooches!!!

O’ wondrous white woman! O’ wondrous white woman! Where art thou?

Laroy West # 2000082410

Hello my name is Jesse Romero and I am currently at the El Dorado Correctional facility within the Kansas Department of Corrections where I have now served over 20 years. As a young ignorant 19 year old drug addict, I was at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people and was involved in a tragic situation where a man lost his life and as a result of this I was sentenced to life with a possibility of parole in 20 years. Throughout my 20 years of incarceration in maximum security prisons that were oftentimes infested with drugs, gang activity and violence, I made some bad choices, mainly in the beginning. I have also made a great deal of progress and experienced a great deal of growth, I have completed all the recommended educational and self help programming and more, and have acquired a college education as well as worked and maintained a private industry job for years now which entails paying taxes as well as 25% of my earnings for room and board as well as victim fees which i don't mind due to the fact that is what successful citizens of our great country do, they work, pay taxes and bills. I have been drug free for years now, and have no desire whatsoever to indulge in any drug use, unfortunately so many within our prison system do not experience this growth and progress for whatever reason.

I am writing this to individuals in positions of authority within our government as well as the American taxpayers who many would say are paying to fund this dysfunctional prison system.

We here in America make up approximately 5% of the world's population but possess approximately 25 % of the world's prisoners, which cost the American taxpayers billions of dollars a year to fund this prison system in which over 90 percent of the inmates will be released back into a community possibly near you or your loved ones to hopefully successfully live and interact. Unfortunately a high percentage of these individuals will return to incarceration within this wonderful prison system to live in a concrete and steel cage with no privacy and eat food that many would describe as slop, or to be placed in charge of what many would describe as vindictive and spiteful individuals in positions of authority to allegedly aid and assist us in our rehabilitation and betterment with the skills and qualities to become successful and productive members of society in order to create a safer society through effective correctional services.

This prison system has been described as a warehouse for the lower class, the uneducated as well as mentally unstable citizens. Many of the individuals incarcerated within this prison system come from poverty, drugs, gang and violence infested environments, or communities with little to no educational opportunities and they have never had much hope in life. When you take a mentally and emotionally unstable as well as uneducated human being and lock them in a cage and constantly talk down to them and criticize them as well as look for something that they may be doing wrong instead of teaching and helping them how to become successful productive individuals, which would entail more humane treatment, is that rehabilitation and corrections? I ask because that is often times what is occurring within our prison system everyday which takes in already damaged and broken individuals and break them a little more before releasing them back into society, many would say this is done to ensure they will soon return to this wonderful prison system and continue the need for mass incarceration or to warehouse the lower class. It often seems that many individuals in positions of authority within our prison system would rather look for any reason to further punish us and make our lives as hard as possible and get paid as well as great benefits for doing so. I wonder how many of these individuals in positions of authority within our prison and justice system know what its like to be raised or live in a lower class run down environment or community. Where you live in poverty at times without basic utilities or to wonder where your next meal was going to come from or have had the joy of living in roach or mice infested dwellings as well as being surrounded by drugs gangs and violence.

On top of the fact that many of us were raised by single mothers who worked full time and were struggling just to pay the rent and bills and put a little food on the table as well as trying to keep us from getting caught up in the negative and destructive activity that is all too common in the lower class and poorer communities of our great nation. Many of the individuals from these run down lower class communities will become incarcerated as juveniles only to be thrown into and spend a great deal of their adult lives incarcerated in a prison system that is infested with drugs, gangs, and violence. Then even if we do manage to take positive and productive steps and stay out of trouble we are often punished for the wrong doings of others around us even if we did nothing wrong.

I would also like to speak of my personal experience of this prison system's use or abuse of segregation or 23 to 24 hour a day lockdown within a cell with and around mentally and emotionally unstable individuals. I have personally spent approximately 6 and a half years in segregation. I have been at times been thrown into and confined to live in filthy cells and at times was denied cleaning supplies as well as toilet paper or given dirty ripped up sheets and blankets which is not uncommon. I have been placed in segregation cells that had bodily waste and blood smeared on the walls and stuffed in crevices which created a stench that caused my eyes to constantly water for days and resulted in me becoming ill.

I would like to point out that several studies have been conducted on the use of long term segregation and how experts have testified and stated how extended periods in segregation creates or worsens psychosis. So the prison system's answer to dealing with many mentally unstable individuals oftentimes is to place them in a segregation cell 23 to 24 hours a day with a mentally unstable individual. So its no wonder why segregation has more suicides and suicide attempts as well as violence as there was a homicide just a few months ago here at the El Dorado correctional facility as a result of an individual being forced to love in a cell 23 to 24 hours a day with a mentally unstable individual.

It is also no secret that our prison system has a habit of placing individuals in segregation under investigation if they dislike individuals for whatever reason or for retaliation for complaints that individuals may have filed which is actually supposed to be prohibited, as I myself have been placed in segregation multiple times under investigation for being in the area of an altercation even though I was not involved. The governmental agencies that are supposed to be addressing and overseeing these issues don’t seem to be concerned with these issues. They just seem to get swept under the rug. I would also like to point out how it costs thousands of dollars more a year to house an individual in segregation and oftentimes results in further mental deterioration as well as a decline in social capabilities.

This is just a little about my personal experience within this prison system that claims that we weren’t sent to prison to be punished but as a punishment which would entail being removed from society and separated from our loved ones. I do not like to complain and I have accepted responsibility for my actions as a young ignorant man which have led me to my current circumstances.

I as well as many others wonder why it is that we here in America, the greatest nation on earth, have a prison system that some might even describe as the Trojan horse of our nation, that oftentimes seems to be releasing individuals back into society worse off than when they were incarcerated. Many would say our prison and justice system is in need of serious reform.

I have time and again witnessed our justice system cater to non violent drug offenders who the recidivism rate;s show have a substantially higher chance of returning to prison than many violent offenders. Keep in mind that while many non violent drug offenders were not convicted of violence, I wonder how many were selling to young adults that resulted in overdoses and deaths as well as these young adults committing crimes, some violent, in an attempt to support their drug addiction. As it's been my experience that approximately 95% of individuals incarcerated are incarcerated over something that stemmed from some kind of drug activity or addiction, including myself. I’m not saying that drug offenders should not receive consideration for second chances or leniency, but neither should violent offenders be excluded from second chances or leniency. I believe each case should be evaluated on an individual basis according to progress that individual may have achieved as opposed to using a class system in regards to offenders which has clearly proven ineffective, all this which I speak of would require common sense reform.

I would also like to point out that not all prison staff and employees are vindictive and spiteful who only want to further punish us and make our lives harder. Some are here just to make a living and some are fully devoted to helping us in every way possible and oftentimes they wind up facing retaliatory punishment by other higher ranking staff members if they are too nice to us or treat us like human beings or help us. Sadly it seems to be vindictive and spiteful staff members that get promoted to positions of higher rank which will result in them having more power when it comes to making decisions and choices over our lives and seeing to our rehabilitation and betterment.

The truth of it is that many individuals in this prison system, inmates as well as staff, agree with much of what I have stated, if not all that I have stated. Many do not possess the ability to properly communicate or convey the issues I have stated herein. There is also the fear of staff retaliation if they speak of the issues that I have that are so often concealed not to be revealed and swept under the rug. I may very well be subjected to staff retaliation even though it's prohibited but it wouldn’t be the first time.

I would like to thank you for your time and hearing what I have to say. If you agree with what I have stated herein and would like to see positive changes and reform within our criminal justice system please share this with the Trump team, your local governor or representative as well as others.

Thank you.

Jesse Romero

El Dorado Correctional Facility

My name is Ryan Patrick Gaughan. I’m an inmate at EDCF. I’ve been down for 9 years and I get out in 2036. First off, I’d like to thank you for what you’re doing. UR good people. That means so much to me that u care about my life despite being that I’m incarcerated. That u treat me as a human being isn’t something I’m used to these days.

Right now I’m really upset, as my ex-wife tried sending me photos via GTL/tablet of my kids in their homemade Halloween costumes, but the petty bureaucrats in the mailroom here denied them. They’re who screen mail and photos to decide if they can come in. They deny way more than they should. For example, my 16 year old son was on a canoe trip and had his shirt off as it was July. They denied these saying it was inappropriate.

KDOC recently banned all books. Yes, we can no longer order books. They claim that’s how drugs get in (a blatant lie), and they did it for the safety and security of the facility. Pure BS. That's illegal what they did and they know this, so they claim we can order books from one of two approved vendors. However, they won’t allow book catalogs in, so there’s no way to actually order a book. This is typical KDOC behavior.

Just in the 9 years I’ve been incarcerated, the amount of rights and things we’ve lost is astounding. Then they bring in an ex-cop named (redacted), and make him (redacted) and let him implement everything he wants over us in EDCF. The guy’s a super tyrant control freak, as is his steroid pumped up (redacted). These two hate inmates indiscriminately. We used to be able to borrow books from mental health here until last month, (redacted) put a stop to that. Now there’s shelves of books, some of which I ordered in the past, read, and donated to mental health here, that no one is allowed to read anymore! I’ve donated over 100 books to the library and mental health departments here over the years. That’s over with now. They don’t want us to have anything positive at all. (Redacted) will probably be the next secretary of corrections for the state, unfortunately. He's one ambitious tyrant. That’s who rises in the ranks of KDOC.

I wish I had positive stuff to write about, but they’ve stripped most of that away over the past few years, and rapidly since (redacted) and (redacted) landed here in October 2024. Those guys and some of their underlings think it’s their job to make our already miserable lives even worse. They’re sadists that gravitate to positions like this.

Really, the people running the prison industrial complex are truly evil. They're bilking the taxpayer out of billions of dollars and then blame inmates for the cost, even though it’s not going towards anything for us.

Many of us, myself included, pay room and board of about $350 a month. I’m fortunate enough to have a private industry job here for an onsite embroider and screen print company called Impact Design. I make $10.93 an hour. However, EDCF charges me rent (despite they’re charging the taxpayers too), taxes, SS, Med, and a victim’s fund that I’m pretty sure no victim ever sees a dime from. So I make about $6 an hour and I am very thankful as it adds up and I can sometimes send my kids and their mom some much needed $. I wouldn’t mind paying into that victim’s fund if I thought that it actually went to victims. The level of embezzlement, with no repercussions, is more rampant in the prison industrial complex than in any other sector in America. If the average citizen knew that the real crooks are the ones running the In-justice system, they might quit putting up with it. Go ahead and post this or show it to whoever. I’m not afraid of the repercussions from these vindictive, cowardly people. I wish more inmates spoke up about what really goes on. I may have to mail letters to U to a family member to mail to U as the mailroom/staff commonly destroy outgoing mail sent to outside legal organizations and human rights groups. Thanks so much.

Sincerely,

Ryan P Gaughan

Ryan P. Gaughan # 2000085687