Inside-Out Alliance of Kansas, Inc.
This is Kyle. Kyle is currently 40 years old, and has been incarcerated for most of his life since he was 20 years old, the last 9 years on death row. He has struggled with serious mental health issues and addiction issues for most of his life. Working towards being a better person, Kyle is proud of the fact that he has now been sober for 18 months, and has stabilized his mental health issues by taking his prescribed medications for his mental illness'. Kyle says it is hard to feel like a part of society, and rarely has contact with anyone from the outside world. He says he feels like he has ceased to exist.
Alot of times when guys get locked up there tends to be a out of sight-out of mind mentality. I guess it's better to be forgotten than to have society and politicians be hostile towards us.
I will never be released from prison. I have the death penalty plus about 50 years. My death sentence is being appealed but I am not sure if anything will actually change in my life. I do have times of mental and emotional struggle, regarding never getting out of prison. I find it difficult to relate to the various issues and interests of society because I have trouble feeling like a member. I don’t have any family to speak of. My mom and brother are dead. No father because I am a product of rape.
Because of my death row status I’m not allowed to work or move around like other prisoners. My good behavior has got me unrestrained status. This means no cuffs when I do come out of my cell. I am proud to say I’ve been drug free for a year and a half. Being drug free and taking my mental health meds has helped me alot. Drugs and mental issues have always been my downfall. They are the primary issues that led to my current circumstances. That's not meant as an excuse.
I try hard to grow and evolve into a better man. I read alot and try to educate myself. It does seem sometimes that my existence has stopped. No matter what changes I make or how I grow I’m bound to the day I was convicted. That sense that everyone disregards the changes I’ve undergone.